How to Use the Bus by Zorro

Well Zorro has struck again

He has sent from half way round the world this latest missive to help you travellers understand some of the pleasurers of being out there, when all we have to worry about is will it snow for christmas


There being no bus stops all you need to do is look for shade. Normally that is where you & any others will wait for the bus.
Now the hard part.When the bus stops( I use the term "stop" loosely) try to be the first on. It´s real bad luck if you are the only one waiting.The bus has three steep steps. The third step there is a turnstile!!! I am not making this up - this is what the driver does.Assuming you are the only one boarding he will only slow down. You have to grab the handles at the side of the first step and climb into the bus. There is much jolting and lurching that throws you off balance. This is because , apart form the bad roads, the driver is driving and trying to change gear, giving you your ticket and change, and has his cup of terére in another hand.Having got ticket you can negotiate the turnstile.Not good for me as I always have a day pack with me. Any poor soul ( normally me!!) is hanging on the second or first step.All buses get vendors selling Coca Cola, hair clips, batteries, sweets, bread, bananas, oranges, pineapples, etc this is not an exhaustive list . Those with nothing to sell sing or more entertaining tell you about finding god. These vendors do NOT pay bus fare. they climb over the turnstile complete with a dozen bottles of Coca cola etc. As they don´t pay a fare they wait till all the farepaying passengers are on board. This means very often they are running alside the bus while there are two or three on the steps waiting to pay and get through the stile!!! Incidentally young children up about 10 yrs old don´t not pay as long as they climb over or throught the stile.This applies to babes in arms!!

You are now through the stile and trying to keep your balance.You look carefully at the passengers. Where are most sat? Where most are will be the shady and coolest part of the bus. All these seats are taken before those on the sunny side.If there are any spare seats do NOT make a beeline for them. Are the seats over the wheel arches? If so there is no room for your feet. Very uncomfortable on long journey. If there are not near wheel arches examine very carefully. Usually it means the seat in broken and will collapse under your weight. On a journey of half hour or more you will move from a seat in the sun to one in the shade to one near the exit if you are lucky.

Once sat down you can enjoy listening to the venders spiel, feeling the cooling breeze from the open windows. There is always a breeze as the drivers make schumaker look pedestrian.Apart from the violent lurching life is great.

The moment you have dreaded. Time to get off. The bus will stop where ever you want. At traffic lights, in the middle of the road, anywhere. But how do you tell the driver? For you must exit at the rear of the bus. If you are very lucky it will be a bus that only has a turnstile at the front end. That bit of string ( really!!) that is on the roof, always on the right hand side is what you pull. If no string or string is broken there is usually a small button hidden near the rear door.If there are none of these then stand near the door. And wait!

Unfortunately, if you are the only one getting off then you have to get off while the bus is still moving. The kind driver has slowed down to walking pace.Buses are incredibly cheap but are not for the faint hearted!!